... break your mirrors ... > 28th February, 2005 I have my English exam tomorrow... I'm not too worried because I usually manage to get pretty good marks with two hours of study and I have the whole of today and half of tomorrow to prepare for it this time. Of course, I'm slightly worried about Chemistry because I've hardly done anything and I was planning to finish at least some of it today. Well, I just need to rush through the English syllabus then. Okay, so my plans for today are made. After I finish this entry, I shall proceed to put it into action. *crosses fingers* DiCaprio didn't won the Oscar like I'd hoped but Hillary Swank and Cate Blanchett did. And that more than makes up for it. Its funny how I support DiCaprio when I don't even like the guy... maybe cuz' he's actually an awesome actor. I haven't seen Ray so maybe Jamie Foxx deserved it. I haven't seen Million Dollar Baby, either... but I'm pretty sure Swank deserved it... she already proved how great an actress she was with Boys Don't Cry. You know how you hate some movies because you love them so much? I mean you hate them because they affect you too much... and that's what Boys Don't Cry did to me. I guess that's when my entire objection against homophobia started... that and the Matthew Shepard story. When I read about that, I started crying... I just could not believe that anyone could be that brutal. But I guess things are getting better now; I mean if people are starting to accept it in India, we've definitely come a long way. I still don't understand how anyone can be arrogant enough to judge someone else, and I don't think the rest of us should just accept it. And I'm not just limiting this to homophobia. Its everything... and its especially rampant in India. And the worst possible argument people can put forward is - "Its against our culture." What bull... India must be the only country that's gone from modernity to traditionalism instead of it being the other way around. One of my best friends is bisexual and when she told us this, none of us would believe her. It seemed typical of Junky... to be different for the heck of it. Over the years, she'd always got a lot of attention for not doing things the natural way and being slightly eccentric (according to all those who didn't really know her). And we thought that this was just a phase, a continuation of the desire to be different. I've known Junky since we were kids and we've stuck by each other through everything... literally, everything. I remember all the games we used to play, especially one based on the Captain Planet cartoon and then silly ones where we pretended that there was a Thunder king and stuff. We have a connection that goes back almost fourteen years, and even I didn't really understand Junky until two years back. I still don't understand her completely, not even close, but I've realized that she isn't an attention seeker and she does not try to be different intentionally. She just has the freedom of thinking the way she wants to think. I think a lot of us, on the subconscious level, just don't think about a lot of stuff because we're not comfortable to. I don't think those boundaries exist for Junky, because she's one of the most introspective people I know. Even I, with all these pointless rambles and emotional fits, am an amateur when compared to her. And I guess she just has the conviction of her beliefs to accept the facts when she sees it. And I really believe now that she was in love with Xandox at the time... I hate the fact that Junky and I aren't so close anymore. Its useless to blame Stony because I don't think its because of him that much, as much as it is because of Junky. I think something's just changed about her, and she's learnt to shut people out. She's become more mature and definitely more cynical, which is sad because she was one of the most romantic (in every sense) people I knew. She's built up a support system that relies on herself alone and I guess she just doesn't need us as much as she used to. I'm happy for her... this way, she can keep herself from getting hurt as much as she used to be. She's been hurt too much already. But, I wish we were like we used to be. I can't help it. I guess its my fault as well. Maybe, I have been too busy for everyone else with Stony in my life... and since she doesn't like Stony, she can't share in that part of it. And maybe, its the fact that we're in different schools now and we're not neighbours anymore. And maybe, this is how its meant to be... I'm going to have to make my peace with that. Just like I've made my peace with the fact that nobody's ever going to understand me. *sniffs* God... I sound like one of those people who rejoice in the fact. Which I probably am. "Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." - Groucho Marx. ... pennies and nickels ... - March 25, 2005
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