... i am my own parasite ... > March 21, 2005  © deviantART *points above* I respect copyrights. ^.^ Come tomorrow, 3 p.m., my exams are going to be officially over. Unofficially, I've been done with ISC since the 14th... but I guess I'll need to make a last ditch effort for my Chemistry practicals as well, if only to keep the charade going. Because, after Physics - that completely unexpected paper, I've given up all hopes of a great percentage and I just don't care how I do anymore. I don't know what I had planned or what I'd thought would happen - but I had hoped for something in which I was being carried around the city on some kind of float with a procession on my behalf celebrating the highest marks the world has ever seen. Seriously, is that too much to ask? But, I'm not going to agonize over that anymore... its not like I have no other options. I got accepted at Duke and selected as a finalist for their University Scholars program which could pay me for my air-fare as well. So far, I'll have to pay something like a 1000 dollars or something if I go if I don't get into the program. By April 1st, I should know about the rest of the places, so I guess I can make a better decision then. This should make me happy, right? But I wish the studying in India option hadn't been struck out altogether. I mean nowhere I get in in India with the exception of St. Stephens can be better than Duke... and this is assuming I don't get into any of the better universities in the States. But, I'm scared and nervous and I hate the idea of going somewhere which is so far away from home and everything I've grown so accustomed to. And as for all that broadening the mind and an experience you won't get here bullshit... I've realized that I don't need it. Maybe this is the insecure me talking, but I don't see what the States with their two-faced public can give me that India with its forthright and blunt people can't. But the one thing that reassures me is that globalisation has changed us so much that I'm pretty sure I shall feel right at home there. Its funny when I see droves of tourists coming here to experience the India of the Vedas and being disappointed by all the plastic sunglass weilding villagers. There is nothing here anymore that they can't see right at home and if there is, rest assured that it is all paper cardboard and tinsel. We're having to playact to bring back the old times so that tourism still remains a huge source of revenue for this fund starved nation. ICSE ends today, so Stony's free... finally. It was so annoying having nothing to do since the 14th with Stony still busy studying. Morphine, Dalila and Junky also finished their exams on the 16th, 17th and 18th respectively, so I was solidly bored for four whole days. Of course my mom couldn't let this time go to waste so I was handed this whole cartload of books and magazines that I should read to be "intellectual-ized". In rebellion, I spent most of the time engrossed in Archies when my mom was watching but whenever she left, I couldn't help going through the stuff she'd parked in my room. I think I spend most of my life trying to aggravate my mom than in doing anything for myself. M, D, J and me are going to be going to Calcutta after Holi and since this is going to be the first time we'll be spending 5 days together (night and day), I hope we get back from the trip safe and sound with all our limbs intact. I can't help feeling that somehow we're all going to come back hating each other's guts. Also, its funny how each of us pretend to be going there for the guys we're going to meet when none of us really give a damn. I mean we have absolutely no expectations of talking to anyone there and still, we giggle vacuously about how many people we're going to be ogling at. Jeez. Its like we're almost embarassed about going there just for us and just to hang out with each other. We're just weird. Malcolm in the Middle started again... FINALLY! I was despairing of television ever making sense again. Dewey and Malcolm got stuck with tigers and Reese got stalked and attacked by a goat. Normal family stuff... why has the world forgotten it? And why do we have to go for inane plot lines which don't make sense like some woman sleeping with the father and his two sons and definitely pretty soon, the grandson as well. Oh and this woman fell for her daughter's husband as well. On which planet is this even remotely possible? And everyone conveniently dying of cancer every time they need to be booted off the show. What's up with that? Okay, I'll stop now because I seem to be demonstrating a disturbing amount of knowledge about TV soaps. Diaryland was down for an eternity or so it seemed and I have no idea whether this entry's going to be posted at all or just chewed up. Anyways, it served its purpose. It gave me something to do in these long, boring hours. Stony and I haven't had a nice, decent fight in five days and its starting to piss me off. Its so utterly boring when everything's going peachy. Ugh. Stony, it seems, is determined to turn into this ultra perfect guy whose going to agree to whatever I say without a single argument. Its so frustrating. And he knows it pisses me off when I don't have anything to be mad about... but he still does it. And he laughs about it. Well, all I have to say is that in the next few days, he'd better go back to being his old imperfect self or else... or else... damn... its at times like these when you need a Ph.D. in spouting believable threats. Yesterday, I was listening to Guns n' Roses (don't ask me why... I just found one of their cassettes in my cupboard (its probably someone else's)) and their lyrics suck. I can't believe they're one of the most renowned bands in the world with such crappy songs... and their music isn't all that awesome either. I guess I'm never going to understand why the world loves some mediocre bands so much while it apparently ignores pure genius. Can you believe hardly anybody in Jampot has heard of Jim Morrison or the Doors? And I'm pretty sure that's the case all over India... and maybe over the world. "Teenage angst has paid off well / Now I'm bored and old / Self-appointed judges judge / More than they have sold." ~ "Serve The Servants", Nirvana ... pennies and nickels ... - March 25, 2005
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